Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
