So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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