You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
