The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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