i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
