im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
