Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
