DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
is that a dick in a sweater?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
