why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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