All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
