I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
