Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
