My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
