we made out on top of his cat.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
