On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
