When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
