I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
