We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
