Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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