he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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