he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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