if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
