Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
