I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
