At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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