I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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