He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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