Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
