I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
No subtext here. People are naked.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
