I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
