You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
