those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
