Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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