i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
