What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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