in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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