I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
