she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
