so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
