So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
