jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just forgot I was standing up.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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