You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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