I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
