Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
