He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
