so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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