All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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