How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
