Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
