her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
