my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
