I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
