she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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