if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
