1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
