I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
